Home > Comics, Humor > Battle Royale With Cheese: Toughest 10 Heroes In Comics

Battle Royale With Cheese: Toughest 10 Heroes In Comics


Everyone has that fight.  You know which one I’m talking about:

“Hulk could kick Ash’s ass!”

“No, he couldn’t!”

Followed by a double murder-suicide.

In order to preserve these kinds of arguments, I have compiled a list of the 10 Toughest Heroes in Comics as of right now (also means if a hero is “dead” in a current story-line, he is not here for the fight).  Remember the criteria is very exact, no anti-heroes (Punisher, Wolverine, The Authority).  Also, for the sake of being fair, no Cosmic heroes either (Silver Surfer, he could probably kill anyone without batting an eyelash anyway).  As for the fights themselves, they are going for pretty much the “beating you within an inch of your life” offensive strategy.  So they are going to be giving 100%, no holding back.

Tim is quite possibly the toughest of the street brawlers out there.  But not tough enough to take on the rest of the list.

Tim is quite possibly the toughest of the street brawlers out there. But not tough enough to take on the rest of the list.

#10 – Red Robin / Tim Drake Wayne

His Deal – Trained extensively in the martial arts, criminology, and a naturally gifted detective, he searches the world attempting to bring his mentor, Batman, back from the dead.

Why he’s #10 – Tim has unlimited funds, Batman’s eye for super-hero death traps, and the nearly all-trumping utility belt.  Unfortunately, he’s still human, and being as young as he is, some of the more experienced heroes will find a way to win.

Most powerful weapon in the universe?  Check!  Other powers... No.

Will? Check! Power ring? Check! Creativity? WTF?

#9 – Green Lantern Hal Jordan

His Deal – Test pilot Hal Jordan was chosen by the Green Lantern Corps of the universe to protect Sector 2814 from any of the evils that besmirched them.  Armed with a power ring that generates anything willed by its wearer, he fights a never ending fight against criminals and super-villany alike.

Why he’s #9 – Don’t get me wrong, Hal is one of the greatest heroes on any Earth, but his use of the ring could be more versatile than it is.  Kyle Rayner may not be as powerful, but he can do more than Hal.  Simple tactics combined with his cock-sure attitude add up to a lot of lost fights on this list.

vs Red Robin – Honestly, I don’t see this fight going on too long.  Tim has the tactical advantage, and he will definitely not make this easy on Hal, but in the end, Hal lays waste to 50 square city blocks in a large green boom and Tim goes splat.

A bald, cripple?  What could he possibly do to... *cluck cluck*

A bald Vulcan? What could he possibly do to... *cluck cluck*

#8 – Professor Charles Xavier

His Deal – The foremost telepath in the Marvel Universe.  His powers include wiping minds, illusion crafting, implanting subconscious suggestions, and astral projections.  Also a sound tactical mind.

Why he’s #8 – Ol’ Chuck here has the mind mojo to pretty much shutdown any possible face to face confrontation just by making you forget.  Of course, that is only if you opponent actually faces you… Against the rest of the heavies on the list his frail body would be a severe liability.

vs Red Robin – Not even Bats carries any uber telepath gear on his belt.  Tim goes home thinking he already won, but spends the rest of his life as a drooling vegetable.

vs Hal Jordan – Hal would be trying to get a bead on him visually, which would give the Prof enough time to make Hal hand over the ring to him.

By the time this image registers, he will have handed you your ass 1,906 times over.

By the time this image registers, he will have handed you your ass 1,906 times over.

#7 – The Flash / Barry Allen

His Deal – The Silver Age Scarlet Speedster.  He literally out ran his own death.  Twice.  He’s the fastest man ever.  A genius in the field of physics and the effect speed has on the actual world.  Being able to dodge this guy is next to impossible.

Why he’s #7 – He thinks, reacts, and moves at near-lightspeed.  But that’s his ONLY power.  Collateral damage or even tripping will take out the Flash, well, in a flash.

vs Red Robin – Tim’s out cold before he hears Barry’s footsteps.

vs Green Lantern – A good fight indeed.  Best friends turned bitter enemies.  Bad news for Hal though, Hal can’t aim a gun as fast as Barry can cold-cock him.  Flash Fact.

vs Prof. X – Chuck can’t read a mind that he can’t see coming.  And even if he does, knowing that Barry’s fist is 0.00003 seconds from impacting against your jaw is pretty useless.

Invincible?  Not really.  But damn close.

Invincible? Not really. But damn close.

#6 – Invincible / Mark Grayson

His Deal – Mark is the son of his world’s greatest hero (well, villain now), Omni-Man.  A Superman analogue.  He inherited his father’s powers of strength, speed, flight, and endurance.

Why He’s #6 – Invincible is half Viltrumite half human.  He has all of Omni-Man’s powers but they are not as potent.  Obviously some of the other hitters on the list will be stronger.  But man, after fighting a war against an army of evil alternate reality versions of himself, I’ll give the kid mad props.

vs Red Robin – See Flash fight.  Only slower.

vs Green Lantern – Mark’s got experience fighting opponents with Hal’s power set this fight wouldn’t be easy, but he takes it in the end.

vs Prof. X – Mark’s only advantage would be his speed.  And as fast as he can go, that’s all he needs.

vs Flash – This would be the fight that earns Mark his superhero name.  After landing blow after blow at super-speed, Invincible would take all the hits, and land one glancing blow on Barry’s all too human body – GAME OVER.

All of Supermans powers, none of the experience.

All of Superman's powers, none of the experience.

#5 – Supergirl / Kara Zor-El

Her Deal – Kara is Krypton’s lost daughter.  The cousin of Superman, she has all of the typical Kryptonian strengths and weaknesses.  She was also trained in the use of her powers by Wonder Woman(!).

Why She’s #5 – Supergirl has a ton of potential.  Her powerset automatically makes her a powerhouse.  Combine that with Amazonian combat training, and you’ve got yourself an almost sure fire bet.  But she has, maybe, 3 weeks of actual trial by fire, and the rest of the list has experience in spades.

vs Red Robin – Green K ring?  Only Bats had it.  He kinda took it with him.  Next.

vs Green Lantern – The Girl of Steel is almost as fast as Barry.  And a gajillion times stronger.

vs Prof. X – Imagine diving from the upper atmosphere at the X-Mansion at top speed.  Yeah.

vs Flash – Flash is faster.  But, Kara’s skin breaks Flash’s fists.

vs Invincible – Mark would probably try to ask her out first.  But after their initial flirtation.  She shows him just what 100% alien can do to your face.  Sorry, Mark.  Stay with Eve.

Brains, brawn, and nearly top.

Brains, brawn, and nearly top.

#4 – Wonder Woman / Diana Prince

Her Deal – Immortal Amazonian Princess Diana.  Her powers?  Super-strength, the Speed of Mercury, flight, toughness, and an array of magical trinkets gifted by the Gods.  A sound tactical mind and some of the best combat training that money can buy.

Why She’s #4 – Diana has got all the goods.  Experience, titanic strength, a sound tactical judgement, and a killer body.  Unfortunately for her, that’s just not enough against the rest of these wreckers.

vs Red Robin – See Supergirl.

vs Green Lantern – Her Bracelets can deflect the Omega Force.  Win.

vs Prof. X – C’mon.  Anything Kara can do…

vs Flash – Repetition.

vs Invincible – Her superior experience gets her another notch on her belt.  And maybe a new boy-toy.  Cougar!

vs Supergirl – Kara’s stronger, sure.  But WW’s the one who trained her.  Eventually, Diana would just overpower her with a well placed blow and wrap this up.  Maybe they’ll fight in oil… Hmmm.  Mental note.

Its a bird, its a plane, its #3!

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's #3!

#3 – Superman / Clark Kent / Kal-El

His Deal – One of the last Kryptonians in the universe, he’s protected the Earth and the universe for as long as anyone can remember.  He’s got so many powers its sickening.  I think he’s got super bowels too…

Why He’s #3 – The other two giants on the list just edge out Big Blue in power levels and experience.  And trust me, its not easy.  Especially when you can pull small moons out of orbit.  With your hands.

vs Red Robin – He doesn’t even need speed.  Orbital heat-vision bombardment.

vs Green Lantern – Supes would fly circles around him and leave him stunned in a crater.

vs Prof. X – The Boy Scout’s indomitable will would see him through this mentalist’s psychic onslaught.  And flick him in head for a quick KO.

vs Flash – Flash just gives up after 57 seconds of beating his bloody stumps on Supes’ face.

vs Invincible – Kal-El has fought a hundred guys just like Mark.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

vs Supergirl – We actually saw this fight happen.  She takes the early advantage, but Clark pulls it out in the end.  He’s just been soaking up sunlight for waaaay longer.

vs Wonder Woman – One of the best fights on this list.  I see Diana giving everything she’s got to take down Clark.  But Superman is just a little bit stronger, a little bit faster, and can take more punishment than her.  If it happens in the day he’d just heal it all afterwards.

My hammer is bigger than yours.

My hammer is bigger than yours.

#2 – Thor

His Deal – Thor, God of Thunder.  Thousands of years of experience battling demons, gods, cosmic douche-bags, and world killers.  Powers?  Try Godly strength, endurance, and toughness.  He’s also armed with the mystical Uru hammer Mjolnir.  And THAT can control and summon storms, repel and absorb any energy directed at him, and open portals in time and space.

Why He’s #2 – He’s a friggin’ GOD.  Not a cosmic character, because he can’t rearrange matter or create life.  But damn close.  He’s also strong enough to lift Asgard (as in the magical city of the gods?) and throw it.

vs Red Robin – Lighting bolt to the face.

vs Green Lantern – Mjolnir smashes through any construct he makes.  Done.

vs Prof. X – Thor would just open a portal from behind him and clock him in the back of the head.

vs Flash – Flash’s speed can’t help him when a tornado sucks him into its creamy center and pelts him with lightning.

vs Invincible – Viltrumite face meets Uru metal.  Ouch.

vs Supergirl – Thor’s experience wins out in one.  Since he can repel all that heat vision or just redirect it.  If it comes to hand-to-hand, he just smacks her with the hammer.  Magic trumps Kryptonians.

vs Wonder Woman – Now here’s the fight that would last the longest.  Both are trained warriors.  Both are godly.  Both are proud.  But Thor’s more experienced and so much stronger that Diana just wouldn’t be able to recover.

vs Superman – Clark’s strength is matched by Thor so there is no edge there.  And in the speed department, Thor would just light up a 3 wide mile radius full of magical lightning.  And as stated before, magic trumps Kryptonians.

Upper limit unknown???  Time to change the shorts...

Upper limit unknown??? Time to change the shorts...

#1 – The Sentry / Robert Reynolds

His Deal – The Sentry is Marvel’s answer to Superman.  He gained his powers while trying to get high, and drank a version of the Super-Soldier serum altered by Weapon X to be 100,000 times more potent.  The strain of holding back all that power even created a separate entity that kills a person for everyone he’s saved, The Void.

Why He’s #1 – Simple.  No one knows how to kill him.  Not even himself.  He knows he’s tried.  And every time, he just comes back.  He literally has the “power of a million exploding suns”.

vs Red Robin – Squish.

vs Green Lantern – Sentry can break adamantium.  Power ring constructs are nothing.

vs Prof. X – Charlie finds out he’s fighting this guy?  He just gives up.  He does not want in his mind.  The Void is in there.

vs Flash – Not much Flash can do to this guy besides run off a cliff.

vs Invincible – Mark will be seeing stars.

vs Supergirl – She would probably make the mistake of taking the bull by the horns.  And she’d get ’em.

vs Wonder Woman – A tough fight indeed.  Diana’s magical knick-knacks don’t count for much against a guy who can bat around a Herald of Galactus without breaking a sweat.

vs Superman – Strength-wise, Superman would be even.  Until Sentry sees that they’re even.  Then he lets loose about a 100 of the exploding suns.

vs Thor – Thor’s strength is almost unlimited as is Sentry’s.  And Mjolnir’s skull-cracking awesomeness would be batting around ol’ Bob.  Then of course, Bob stops fighting, and the Void comes out and rips him in half.  Along with the rest of the Eastern Seaboard.

Don’t agree?  Let me know.

Otherwise, discuss.

Advertisements
Categories: Comics, Humor Tags: , , ,
  1. jettwinlock
    October 12, 2009 at 11:44 am

    Hell of an awesome list, I love how you explain how every fight will be won not many lists do that, actually you’re the first.

    Atom Eve should be on this list she can rearrange particles she would at least be even with the Green Lateran. That’s really the only character I know that could be on this list.

    • 5yphon
      October 12, 2009 at 11:00 pm

      Atom Eve would’ve been on the list if not for her inexperience handling stealth-based opponents. Red Robin on the other hand, does have experience handling her power set. And Green Lantern’s experience, speed, and the fact that Hal’s constructs are pure willpower, not matter give him the edge in the end. Good call though!

  2. October 12, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    Love the list and I can agree with the reasoning 100%. It’s always good to see Invincible compared to the upper ranks of the powerhouses. I’m torn by my feelings on the Sentry. As much as I think he messes up the power balance thing in the Marvel Universe, I feel they’ve still handled him pretty well. There are only two additions I was thinking to add. One was The Hulk, but since Hulk is more a force-of-nature than anything I can see him not belonging on this list. The other is Ms. Marvel, but she’s getting closer and closer to becomming cosmic in nature so I’ll be fine to exclude her.

    • 5yphon
      October 12, 2009 at 11:03 pm

      Ms. Marvel’s alive??? I thought Osborn killed her off… Well, I can update the list in a year or so when I do hear different. And the Hulk? Banner’s depowered right now, so he wasn’t involved in the fight. Otherwise, I would’ve put his “Green Scar” incarnation as #1, since he did beat the Sentry when he let loose completely. It cost him everything he had but he still took him down! World War Hulk was AWESOME!

  3. August 16, 2010 at 2:01 am

    well now Im not familiar with sentry so I’ll pass on comment there, but superman VS Thor ? debatable, Id give em a tie at best but Im leaning towards Superman. granted magic beats krypto, but superman knows that, and deals with it regularly. plus lightning dosent really do scratch to him. Nuclear explosions seem to be something he can deal with. Am I wrong there ? Ahh but then you could argue the actual asatru religious aspect of Thor……dang it good fight either way. would sure get ratings on pay per view.

    • August 16, 2010 at 2:06 am

      oh and “silver age superman” did actually beat the hulk once in a crossover (Superman & Spider-Man june 1981 warner books) and hulk stood NO CHANCE. literally stood there hitting superman until he got too tired to keep it up. but supes is depowered since then…crisis and all…..

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: