Home > Fantasy, Gaming, Humor > Warcraft & You: What Your Class Says About You

Warcraft & You: What Your Class Says About You


Welcome back to another chapter of Warcraft & You!  Where we dissect the meaning of the World of Warcraft player base… whether they like it or not.

Today, we will explore the classes of WoW:

The Druid – “I like furry porn!”

Nothing says "Defender of Mother Earth" like flaming Hellfire shouldpads!

Druid players tend to “think” they know all classes.  Just because they can do pretty much everything, they know they can do all well.

The Death Knight – “I want as many skulls on my body as humanly possible!  I am having a skull implanted onto my forehead.  That would be so awesome!”

Gnome DK's. Too emo for Gnomeregan.

Death Knights (or DK’s) are the “Hero” (or as everyone else calls it NOOB) class of WoW.  Players tend to want to emulate Arthas whenever possible.  These players also tend to believe their damage output is “god-like”.

The Hunter – “Pets count as MY DPS.  It’s perfectly fair.”

A newbie Hunter, or the intro for a beastiality porno? You decide!

Hunters are extremely easy to play… or so I’m told.  Thusly, they have earned the notorious nickname of “Huntards”.  I got ganked by too many of these asses in the Battlegrounds to have any unbiased opinion.  Jerks.

The Mage – “IM LOW ON MANA!”

Arcane Explosion! Arcane Explosion! Arcane Explosion!

The Mage class has a built in way of securing Mana.  Why?  They need it.  They bleed Mana all over everything leaving a sticky residue.  Kinda like slugs, only with more explosions.

The Paladin – “I like everything handed to me.  Mounts, healing, damage, tanking, buffs.  Everybody loves me, but I feel so alone…”

I put points in my Holy Jeebus talent. It makes me 20% more lovable!

Insert “I’m a Little Paladin” song here…

It’s really all you gotta say.

The Priest – “STOP ASKING ME IF I WANT TO HEAL YOUR STUPID GROUP!  IF I WANTED TO HEAL AN INSTANCE I WOULD!”

My sinister appearance only means that I will heal you MORE!

The Priest players are under appreciated.  It’s a tough class to play, high demand for your skills, and you are constantly bothered.  Only thing that makes it worthwhile is my “Shadowform”!  I can DPS like a mage now!  *SIGH*  I hate life.

The Rogue – “I’m a PVP god!”

I can too be useful in raids!

I have not played a rogue past 10.  Why?  Completely useless unless your opponents likes to take it in the ass.  Now if that’s what you like…

The Shaman – “I wanna be just like Thrall when I grow up…”

I have 4 level 80 Shamans. I am so leet I can solo instances by myself!

This is what rogues should be like.  They play awesome, unless they try to heal an instance WITHOUT gear, because they “know” the can.  Unless of course you’re a Draenei, then all you do is multi-box.

The Warlock – “I’ll just stay back here while my pet does all the work”

Demon Wings FTW!

I honestly cannot tell you how many Warlocks have been more worthless than the demon they are using.  Usually they use the imp for the Stamina buff, and then we kinda forget they are there…

The Warrior – “Saurfang!  RWAAAAAR!”

Warriors. Overcompensating their lack of magic for the past 5 years.

Can they tank?  Extremely well.  Do they shut up about how well they tank?  Never.  Gifting the shield they’ve been drooling over to another tank?  Priceless.

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  1. December 31, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    I remember making a Shaman back in the day because I had leveled everything else, and the Shaman was always overpowered. I eventually made mine because I felt like cheating for a bit since it was obvious Blizzard wasn’t going to fix them. The same goes for the Death Knight who, unfortunately, can almost always out dps every other class by a large margin without even trying.

  2. January 6, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Gotta say I’m a little disappointed in this article. I was expecting more than one or two sentences on each class. Having played most of the classes, I disagree with where you are going. Rogues have been bent over and nerfed and still make it through to being some of the best sustained raid dps in the game. I am guessing I probably have had better luck running with warlocks than you, but they are a blast to play. I suppose my own article here is in the works.

    • 5yphon
      January 6, 2010 at 11:44 pm

      I am sorry for your disappointment. This article was meant to be entirely humorous and not serious at all.

  3. January 7, 2010 at 12:32 am

    My warlock had nothing to do with Demons myself. I was a necessity on most raids. That being said 99% of warlocks were morons. Muahaha.

  4. October 7, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    There are some interesting deadlines in this article but I don?t know if I see all of them center to heart. There’s some validity but I will take hold opinion until I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we wish extra! Added to FeedBurner as well

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